Season 1, Episode 9: "The Puppet Show"

Original Air Date: 5/5/97

Hyenas, robots, puppets... Wasn't this a show about vampires?

Just as "In every generation, there is a Chosen One"; in every supernatural TV series, there is a possessed ventriloquist dummy episode. This is Buffy's. 

The episode opens on Cordelia tunelessly belting out "Greatest Love of All" in rehearsal for the Sunnydale High talent show. We see the debut of Armin Shimerman as hard-boiled Principal Snyder (you guys remember that the last principal was eaten by hyena people, right? Just checking). He asserts his authority by forcing Buffy, Willow and Xander to join the talent show as a punishment. 

He's the H.F.I.C.- Head Ferengi In Charge

Let's meet some of our talent show performers: we've got a magician, ballerina, juggler, a tuba player, a couple of gymnasts, and of course, a ventriloquist- Morgan the ventriloquist and his gravel-voiced dummy, Sid. Their act is very "Take my wife, please!" with a side of "Hubba, Hubba" (If Sid were reading this, he'd say "You call this a blog? My unda-wear's made of better material. OH!").

Next morning, the ballerina is found dead with her heart missing. The gang reasons it is either a standard homicide or a demon set on harvesting organs to gain human form. There's a classic Law and Order style montage of Buffy and friends interviewing the talent show members about the ballerina's last whereabouts.

"I didn't talk to her much, but I DID see her talking to that weirdo ventriloquist dude..." DUN DUN...

Cue a series of creepy puppet scenes. You can probably guess what they are-- Ventriloquist is caught arguing with the dummy, pretends to be practicing; Dummy appears to have mind of its own; Dummy gets out of control, magically goes missing from a stored location. 

But to our surprise, it turns out that Sid is not a demon, but a demon hunter who was cursed to live in puppet form. So, just to clarify, this means that before he was a ventriloquist's dummy, Sid was a horny Borscht Belt comedian who spent his spare time tracking monsters? I want to see THAT origin story. 

So if it's not Sid- who is the murderer? Not Morgan- he winds up dead (RIP). Is it Principal Snyder? The tuba player? Is it Sid after all? Nope, It's the fucking MAGICIAN! Of course! The natural enemy of the ventriloquist! I mean, ventriloquists and magicians are like the Crips and Bloods of Vaudeville- only GOB Bluth can straddle the line. Little Magician guy tries to kill Giles in a guillotine to harvest his brain. Luckily, he uses one of those special TV ropes that takes several ax swings to cut, leaving time for Buffy, Xander and Willow to jump in and save the day. Then the nerdy magician kid transforms into a yucky amphibious beast and fights Buffy. Fret not, friends, the ventriloquist dummy helps the vampire slayer kill the swamp demon (is that a sentence you thought you'd read today?). Now, with his mission complete, Sid's soul is freed from its puppet prison and he dies. Meanwhile, this ass-clown lives on to do decades of shitty specials. 

There's the real evil in the world. 1/4 Mr. Pointy's. 

Most Dated Line/Reference:
Xander: So, the dummy tells us that he's a demon hunter. And we're, like, fine, la la la la. He takes off, and now there's a brain. Does anybody else feel like they've been Keyser Soze'd?

Wait, I take that back. A good Keyser Soze reference is never out of style. Instead, I'll nominate Buffy's OG bottle of Victoria Secret Forbidden Fantasy lotion. 

Favorite Retro Fashion Moments: 

Rubber Duckie Tee

Willow's Yellow Sneaks with Black Tights

Workout Summary: 2 miles on treadmill; 360 calories slayed.