Season 1, Episode 10: "Nightmares"

Original Air Date: 5/12/97

I have a nightmare. It starts out like a normal day. I head to the gym, pick out a machine, and start up my Buffy episode. Then suddenly, Netflix freezes and I'm forced to continue on the elliptical for a sweaty Buffy-less eternity, flanked between a taut gym bunny and an elderly man (both going warp speed faster than me with inhuman ease), while the gym radio plays Kid Rock and the TV in front of me is set to Fox News. But this was no nightmare... THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED!

Dear God, make me a bird, so I can fly far, far, far away from here...

Day 2: I face my fears and return to the gym. After a rocky start, the wifi is working, and all is right with the world. 

I feel like this episode pulls the show out of the mid-season slump. There's a fair mix of fun, supernatural intrigue, and emotional depth- all classic Buffy markers. As the title would suggest, this episode centers on nightmares becoming reality-- it's at first implied that this is the Master's doing, but later revealed to be the projections of a little boy stuck in a nightmarish coma. Don't try to think it through too much. Giles basically shrugs and offers the catch-all explanation: "Hellmouth". 

Many of the living nightmares are harmless, even ridiculous- spiders crawl out of a book, Buffy can't even answer her name correctly on a test, Giles can't read, Willow has to sing in front of a crowd, Cordelia has (gasp) bad hair, and Xander goes to class in his underwear and gets chased by an evil clown. While it's Xander's nightmare, I think it may be Nicholas Brendon's fantasy. I have a feeling he slipped one of the writers a 20 and said "Throw in a scene where I can show off my rockin' biceps and abs. Also, I'd really like to punch a clown..." 

Other nightmares are darker and reveal the fears buried deep in the characters' psyches. Most notably, when Buffy's dad arrives for a weekend visit and sits her down to tell her that her parents' divorce was entirely her fault and she's a complete disappointment. This scene is done well. You don't see the nightmare coming, which makes it all the more heart-wrenching. And SMG really brings her acting A-game in this scene. 

You're sullen and... rude and... you're not nearly as bright as I thought you were going to be... 

Could you stand to live in the same house with a daughter like that?

More fears are revealed as Buffy is buried alive and comes back as a vampire. When they come upon Buffy's grave, Giles explains that this is his nightmare- that he will fail to protect Buffy. This theme is explored at several other points in the series (notably in "Helpless" and the song "Standing" in "Once More, with Feeling"). I think that's what I like most about this episode-- that early on it lays out the insecurities that will run throughout Buffy's character arc. Failing the test represents her fear that she is not smart enough and will never function in "normal" life. Turning into a vampire represents both her fear of failure and her worry that she could give in to the darkness. And most significant, the conversation with her father shows her ongoing fear that she is poison and ruins the lives around her- a fear that will grow deeper and deeper as the series goes on. 

The framing of the nightmares through the kid in the coma (who it turns out was put there by an abusive Little League coach) is a plot device I could have done without. I also can't decide if it is referential to other stories that show children fighting their worst fears come to life (IT, Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Warriors) or if it's just a straight up copy. It is also painfully corny at times and there's a lot holes in the story. Yet that scene between Buffy and her dad is SO powerful... Is this a good episode or not?
I'll split the difference. 2/4 Mr. Pointy's. 

Most Dated Line/Reference:
See these guys. 

They're supposed to be the school badasses. When I first saw them I assumed that some character must be living a nightmare about being in a live production of Grease. But, no, the nightmare is that the head greaser's mommy comes to school and pinches his cheeks, which could work as a cute joke if they didn't seem to have arrived in a time machine. Was 1997 still too early to use wannabe gangstas or closeted self-hating jocks as the school tough guys?

Favorite Retro Fashion Moment: 

I'm digging Willow's polka dot dress and green tights.
But can we have a conversation about Xander's choices here?

Workout Summary: 
Day 1: 2.9 miles on elliptical; 426 calories slayed.
Day 2: 35 minutes on elliptical; 345 calories slayed. 

Season 1, Episode 9: "The Puppet Show"

Original Air Date: 5/5/97

Hyenas, robots, puppets... Wasn't this a show about vampires?

Just as "In every generation, there is a Chosen One"; in every supernatural TV series, there is a possessed ventriloquist dummy episode. This is Buffy's. 

The episode opens on Cordelia tunelessly belting out "Greatest Love of All" in rehearsal for the Sunnydale High talent show. We see the debut of Armin Shimerman as hard-boiled Principal Snyder (you guys remember that the last principal was eaten by hyena people, right? Just checking). He asserts his authority by forcing Buffy, Willow and Xander to join the talent show as a punishment. 

He's the H.F.I.C.- Head Ferengi In Charge

Let's meet some of our talent show performers: we've got a magician, ballerina, juggler, a tuba player, a couple of gymnasts, and of course, a ventriloquist- Morgan the ventriloquist and his gravel-voiced dummy, Sid. Their act is very "Take my wife, please!" with a side of "Hubba, Hubba" (If Sid were reading this, he'd say "You call this a blog? My unda-wear's made of better material. OH!").

Next morning, the ballerina is found dead with her heart missing. The gang reasons it is either a standard homicide or a demon set on harvesting organs to gain human form. There's a classic Law and Order style montage of Buffy and friends interviewing the talent show members about the ballerina's last whereabouts.

"I didn't talk to her much, but I DID see her talking to that weirdo ventriloquist dude..." DUN DUN...

Cue a series of creepy puppet scenes. You can probably guess what they are-- Ventriloquist is caught arguing with the dummy, pretends to be practicing; Dummy appears to have mind of its own; Dummy gets out of control, magically goes missing from a stored location. 

But to our surprise, it turns out that Sid is not a demon, but a demon hunter who was cursed to live in puppet form. So, just to clarify, this means that before he was a ventriloquist's dummy, Sid was a horny Borscht Belt comedian who spent his spare time tracking monsters? I want to see THAT origin story. 

So if it's not Sid- who is the murderer? Not Morgan- he winds up dead (RIP). Is it Principal Snyder? The tuba player? Is it Sid after all? Nope, It's the fucking MAGICIAN! Of course! The natural enemy of the ventriloquist! I mean, ventriloquists and magicians are like the Crips and Bloods of Vaudeville- only GOB Bluth can straddle the line. Little Magician guy tries to kill Giles in a guillotine to harvest his brain. Luckily, he uses one of those special TV ropes that takes several ax swings to cut, leaving time for Buffy, Xander and Willow to jump in and save the day. Then the nerdy magician kid transforms into a yucky amphibious beast and fights Buffy. Fret not, friends, the ventriloquist dummy helps the vampire slayer kill the swamp demon (is that a sentence you thought you'd read today?). Now, with his mission complete, Sid's soul is freed from its puppet prison and he dies. Meanwhile, this ass-clown lives on to do decades of shitty specials. 

There's the real evil in the world. 1/4 Mr. Pointy's. 

Most Dated Line/Reference:
Xander: So, the dummy tells us that he's a demon hunter. And we're, like, fine, la la la la. He takes off, and now there's a brain. Does anybody else feel like they've been Keyser Soze'd?

Wait, I take that back. A good Keyser Soze reference is never out of style. Instead, I'll nominate Buffy's OG bottle of Victoria Secret Forbidden Fantasy lotion. 

Favorite Retro Fashion Moments: 

Rubber Duckie Tee

Willow's Yellow Sneaks with Black Tights

Workout Summary: 2 miles on treadmill; 360 calories slayed. 

Season 1, Episode 8: "I Robot, You Jane"

Original Air Date: 4/28/97

Willow gets catfished by a demon.

Pick out your screen name, kiddies, today we're taking a look at love in the time of dial-up. Early depictions of the internet were ridiculously corny- see "The Net", "Hackers"- and this BTVS ep. is no exception.

In this (horribly titled) episode, Willow scans an ancient text into the library database and unknowingly releases a long-trapped demon into the internet. Next thing you know, he's all "Hey Willow, a/s/l? Wanna cyber?"

Like most women who came of age in the heyday of AOL, I had a few internet boyfriends in high school. There wasn't much remarkable about any of them, I even remember finding most of them annoying. But they were guys my age (presumably) who were giving me their attention, which was more than what I had going on IRL. So I can empathize with Willow in this episode- online, she gets to be The Buffy, and that's hard to resist. I am grateful that my teen years happened to fall in that moment in technology when interaction was easy but it was still 100% possible to maintain anonymity. Sending a pic was a multi-step process: You had to blindly take a photo with your wind-up camera (no instant viewing to perfect the double-chin reducing head tilt), walk to Walgreen's, spend 7 bucks, wait a week, pick them up, go to Kinkos (or a rich aunt's house) to scan it and then wait for it to upload line by line. There's a lot of opportunities in there to rethink your choices. If it had been as easy as snapping a selfie in my bedroom and sending it off, I don't know that I can confidently say that some rando dude in Michigan wouldn't have half-nude pics of an eager-to-please 15 year-old me right now.   

Back to the show. Our adorable Willow falls hard for "Malcolm" (aka Molluck the Corruptor) and Buffy and Xander get suspicious. Meanwhile, Mr. Corruptor uses the interwebs to wreak some havoc and enlists the help of a couple of Sunnydale red-shirts, Dave and Fritz, to do his bidding, which includes attempting to kill Buffy. There's a pretty dark 

scene where Dave is yelling at the computer, saying that he won't hurt anyone and then suddenly a suicide note comes out of the printer and Fritz is given the order to eliminate him. Here is Buffy and Xander's emotional reaction to finding their classmate dead:

Buffy:  Dave. He's dead.

Giles:  How?

Buffy:  Well, it looks like suicide.

Xander:  With a little help from my friends?

Buffy:  Yeah. I'd guess Fritz.

Again, are they ALREADY so jaded to peer death?

Molluck and his minions take over an abandoned tech company and craft him a Mega-Tron style robot body that he uses to try to kill Willow and take over the world. I remember real-life meetups with some of my AOL crushes- they were only slightly less awkward than this (and yes, Mom, I went with a group to a public location). Conveniently, we learn that hot computer teacher Miss Calendar identifies herself as a "techno pagan" (groan) and she gathers a digital coven to re-trap Molluck (while having some cute flirtatious moments with Giles). 

Ugh, you SO do not look like your profile pic.

Willow is left heartbroken. She thought she finally found someone who understood her and wanted her, only to discover that it was all a fraud. Hang in there Willow, whether you're a 16 y/o dorky romantic, or someone trying to wade through the first season of Buffy: I promise you, it gets better.  

This one is fun for its camp-factor, but that's about it: 1/4 Mr. Pointy's. 

Most Dated Line/Reference: 
There's some serious contenders in this episode- a lot of talk of "cyberspace", "The Web", at one point Buffy says "e-letter," but the prize has got to go to this angry rant by Fritz:
"The printed page is obsolete. Information isn't bound up anymore. It's an entity. The only reality is virtual. If you're not jacked in, you're not alive."

Oh, and there's also this:

I think if I showed this picture to my niece,
she'd assume this dude is playing a game of Battleship. 

Favorite Retro Fashion Moments:

Buffy's surveillance outfit: Brown Crushed Velvet Trench-coat and Orange-rimmed Glasses.  

Aw, you guys remember when this cat icon was everywhere?

Workout Summary: 2.7 miles on Elliptical, 380 calories slayed.