Getting Buff with Buffy

Season 1, Episode 3: "Witch"

Original Airdate: 3/17/97

Buffy tries out for cheerleading but hits a supernatural roadblock when someone starts hexing the girls with fun stuff like spontaneous combustion.

Episode 3 brings us some firsts in the series: first episode to feature zero vampires; and first episode not penned by Joss himself. It's also the first time that we see the demonic presence in Sunnydale used as a metaphor for the adolescent experience. As Buffy and her mom struggle to bond, we meet Amy who appears to be killing herself (and others) trying to gain her mother's approval by making the cheerleading squad. It should be noted that this episode aired amidst the national backdrop of the Texas Cheerleader Murders when a woman was willing to commit the ultimate sin to get her daughter to the top of the human pyramid. We haven't we heard about anything like that in a while. What happened? Did parents stop CARING?

Giles: Why would someone want to harm Cordelia?

Willow: Maybe because they met her?

A nice little twist comes when we find out that Amy isn't trying to become her mother, she is her mother- compliments of a home-brewed body swapping spell (Spoiler Alert: this show is 18 years old. Don't expect spoiler alerts). As Amy explains it, "She said I was wasting my youth, so she took it." Coincidently, as I watched this, a woman half my size but twice my age hopped on the machine next to me and started cruising along at double my speed. Way to drive the message home, life.

In keeping with the theme of this episode, here are some yearbook pictures of my own mother. Gorgeous, huh? Those shoes on the right are purple leather, by the way, PURPLE LEATHER.

Did I ever look at these photos and think "why not me?" Yeah, I guess. But my mother also revealed to me that at that time in her life, she was so fixated on her weight that she would do things like chew on paper to curb her appetite and sit in the tub to stop herself from eating. She told me that she'd since learned that health and happiness are far more important than appearance. For all the issues I've had with my weight, I've never had to deal with any parental fat-shaming. So, thank you for that, Mom. I know many are not so lucky.

Amy's mom, for instance, is a Royal Bitch with a W and thus deserves her classic "Twilight Zone" ending, forever trapped in the peak of her glory days.